We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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