Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
