hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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