I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I am available for nakedness
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My feet surprised me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
