my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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