you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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