He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
