my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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