he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
