Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
