so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
