a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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