When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
