Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My balls are so social today.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I will pee on everything he values.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
