I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
