I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
