Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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