so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
