I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
