before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
