You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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