if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
