i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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