She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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