God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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