with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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