I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
4 words: hood of his car
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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