Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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