he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
