On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
