some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Even the bartender felt bad for me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
