it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
