haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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