put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
