I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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