I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
