I just saw a hot homeless man
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
