Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
