Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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