Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
