I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
