If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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