what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
