Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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