I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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