Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
did you just send me my own nude
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
