glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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