I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
