I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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