Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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