can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
