There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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