My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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