Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
