He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize