Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
