Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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