Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How external is "for external use only"?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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