I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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