I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
