you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
