And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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