I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
