So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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