I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
