i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
